The first, and last time, I saw my Father afraid.
Please listen to Video instead of reading? For those who do not listen, text is below.
The First and Last Time I Saw my Father Afraid
FEAR: Fear—screams silently from his eyes
and cuts through the antiseptic air.
Fear—wrapped up in tubes and bottles;
urine and blood.
Fear—being whistled and sung by the ventilator;
echoing off stark white walls.
Who is this man?
Gaunt, wasted, strengthless;
bones with transparent flesh and fading blue veins?
Fear—masked by drugs
and Doctors reassurances!
Who is this man,
who looks me in the eye
and writes me to not forget my job?
With tubes down his throat;
he scrawls us messages;
scrambling;
to capture a life in a few last scratches of lead.
And fails.
What with pain and drugs — tubes and fear,
equipped with shaking hands and pencil,
who could succeed?
Who is this man?
Who was my Father
and taught me to always try hard;
to never cry…
And why, do I not know him?
As I fear—all choked with love,
want and desire to know him.
That I will not ever——now.
As his life flashes before my eyes,
I see him work so hard-so strong,
bearing every hardship
enduring every pain for us.
But now,
I see the fear in his eyes
—deepest regret—
for the precious few moments
for times we did not spend
and never will.
And I wonder about always working so hard.
And I wonder about never crying.
And I find myself a-frayed.
Powerful words, difficult times, moment to moment you will work through the frayed… and sort out your own importances, whether they be work, or time away.
Pingback: Tweets that mention One Shoot Sunday | First and Last Time I Saw my Father Afraid | Small Business Advice & Practical Help -- Topsy.com
Very Sad. However, a nice tribute to your father.
had to respond to this .. I am heavily grieving the loss of my own Father but his loss was so sudden .. I was shaken and shocked for some time dumbed/numbed as I couldn’t speak only now am I taking the tiniest minute steps .. coming on here .. reading a little writing .. they say time .. but it is what you do with time as time does not ‘do’ anything of itself except create a wider distance and chasm .. It is hard .. and you recall the time when stength was had .. and what strength .. mine held his heavy industrial bike with me on the saddle him with one hand holding .. look straight ahead .. keep focused and it is these ‘messages’ memories speak .. yours to you .. ‘don’t cry’ I go tthat one too .. but how do you do that one .. .. *tears* and more .. they fall in floods .. honoured to read and thankyou to share .. your Dad and My Dad from a great generation .. can’t say anymore .. as words now are useless .. but *tears* and a gentle *hug* before I leave ..
~ Lib ~
to listen to your clip yielded the experience in sound .. another medium ~ to share ~ Lib
Heart wrenching beyond words. Love your bringing together visual, sound, and words. Loved it. Honestly, I loved it. ♥
А! Great posting.